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  • Writer's pictureMichael Christelman

The Annual Christmas Letter

We all hate them, we all mock them, and some actually take the time to write them. The annual Christmas letter sent to family and friends to inform them how the past year was and maybe to brag a bit. I present to you a typical non-2020 edition of the Christmas card letter as written from "the wife’s" point of view:

Dear Friends and Family:

Wow, I can’t believe another year has come and gone. It seems like just last year at this time, and I was writing our Christmas letter. It’s been another fantastic year for the family. While I haven’t bothered to take the time to call or email many of you, you have been on our minds and, more importantly, in our hearts. I hope your year has been as outstanding, splendid, fantastic, and terrific (not to mention busy, hehe) as ours has.

We were so lucky to be able to begin the year with the birth of our 10th child Annabelle, or as I like to call her, Annabellicious (I keep telling hubby that just two more will make it an even dozen). She was born a beautiful girl, and all the doctors say that she was the prettiest baby they had ever seen. It’s been just under a year, and she can already do fractions.

Of course, the twins Niles and Frasier continue to be little rascals. Who knows what they will get into next. Why just last week, I caught them eating whip cream right out of the can. I mean, really, can you just imagine. They’re so naughty, but I guess that’s what you get with boys. Stuart entered the 6th grade this fall, and he is already doing calculus. His teacher says he’s the brightest boy he’s ever taught, and he was elected school president. Susie made the cheerleading squad again and is dating the quarterback. She also got the lead in the school production of ‘Grease.’ Unfortunately, we thought it a little too risqué, so she decided to take a knitting class.

Harold has been an altar boy at every single mass this year, and he scored the winning goal at this year’s soccer championships. Lucy’s got the lead in the community ballet, and she continues to volunteer at the retirement home. Phil is a junior this year and is already applying to Harvard (I like to say he’s got ivy in his veins). Amanda just learned how to walk, and Freddie is scheduled to go up in the space shuttle next year.

You’d think I had my hands full with the kids, but I also found time to donate a wing to the hospital, sew blankets for the orphanage, and volunteer (again) for the church carnival. You can imagine my husband’s surprise when I returned from Kenya last month with our newly adopted son. I just don’t know where I get my strength. Maybe it’s from those yellow pills in the bathroom, oops, I guess the cat is out of the bag.

How about my husband, you ask? Well, he’s been ok. The firm was doing so well that he started a second one. Husband outsourced some of the phone operators to Liechtenstein, and with the money the firm saved, we built a library solely devoted to the works of Dr. Seuss and Jack Kerouac. He finally got the roof up on the ranch in Kauai, and the cottage in Vale should be finished next spring. I’m just glad he found the time to attend all the kids’ special events. I can’t believe he had to build our 15th bookshelf for all the awards they keep winning!

Well, enough about us. As you can tell, it’s been another hectic but quiet year. I keep hoping we’ll have exciting news to share one of these years, but I guess, for now, we should call ourselves the Ho-Hums. We’re just so relieved that Lucy’s surgery went well, and now we can all celebrate the holidays together at the castle in Scotland. We want to wish you a wonderful holiday season, and we’ll try to think about calling all of you upon our return in February!

P.S. the dog had puppies again. I guess we really should put her in at night. Oh, I know I’m just awful.

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